as 2011 comes to end i can only sit here and recap my year. this year i found out much more about myself. i have experienced many different life changing events. i lost friends - made friends. cut ties, and found out the truth in many lies. was able to love within the dark. laughs and tears filled up this year. but most importantly this was the year i really faced my fears.
to be honest i almost gave up on myself this year. i almost gave up on friendships. almost went cold but i also found out that, that is not who i am.
i am happy and giving, loving and loyal.
honest perhaps brutally honest. i am understanding, observant. i can be loud and i can be very quiet. i see thru fake, i read right thru lies. i give the benefit of the doubt, i usually put others before myself. i can’t lie, i have ended up hurt because of deceit. i have given to those whom i thought appreciated and loved me to only find out they spite what i have and deceived me. that almost made me give up home on being true to people. i asked myself why am i giving my undivided friendship to only being burned at the end over and over again. i’ve questioned my existence and my purpose of living.
through it all - my family has been by my side. they have shown unconditional love. and that showed me that family is all you have. although some of my family isn’t my blood family, they are my friends that i consider my blood because they show that same unconditional love and appreciation. and i love them just as much.
as this year grew closer to an end i was blessed with the most amazing gift ever.
i now feel a purpose and never have to question again "why do i give? why do i try" because i will be a mom and all those question already feel answered. i will forever give my endless love, i will share my happiness, i will try, and i will enjoy the gift of living and giving. i now must show the reason of life and show the unforeseen beauty in this crazy corrupt world so my child will enjoy life as hard as it may seem. i will enjoy every moment of motherhood
this year my resolution is that i will be the best mommy ever